Tony and Michelle: Aftermath of Day 2
by Anna1988
Summary: After day 2 Michelle and Tony get married but Michelle has a really hard time coping with the loss of so many friends and collegues. She also has a lot of fears, some always, some only since the attack on CTU. Tony does his best to help her get past them.
1. Trying to cope

This Story does not include everything happening in the series. Michelle does not die in season 5. She and Tony do no get divorced they only separate. I will write about their work. But it will only be a little bit of work. There will only be facts and a little conversation about their work but no real cases. This story is just about Anthony Almeida and Michelle Dessler and their family and love.

November 1997

A week after the bombing at CTU. Michelle and Tony planned to get married today but Michelle ist not ready to do this so shortly after so many of their friends were killed. She talks to Tony. "I cannot do this Tony." "Cannot do what sweetheart?" "I cannot marry you. Not today. Not after everything that has happened in the past week. I cannot handle it right now. I need a brake. It is just too much for me. I am sorry." "I know it is hard and I do not like the idea af getting married without the most of my friends, either. But they would want us to stick to our plans." "Tony I can´t. Please do not push me to that. I will marry you. Just not today. I need to say good-bye first Tony." He sees the hurt and the pain in her eyes and senses that Michelle will not be able to marry him until she has said good-bye to her friends and colleuges. "OK. We will postpone the wedding until you are ready." "Thank you Tony. That helps me a lot."

That day they had lost 33 co-workers, including George, and 17 were wounded. All the other co-workers were in a shock after that so were Tony and Michelle.

Three weeks later. All 32 co-workers had their funeral and now was the day Tony and Michelle had waited for. Today was their wedding. After the church and the lunch Tony and Michelle left for their honeymoon. They were going to spent their honeymoon in San Francisco. Awax from the job and all the bad memories they had of the attack. Tony just hoped that Michelle, who was still in some kind of shock, would start to get normal again and would start to let people into her heart and tell them how she felt. That she would be able to talk about her fealings and her fears.

In San Francisco

They were eating dinner in their hotel room when Tony started to talk about the day that changed CTU´s day for ever. "How are you holding up?" "I am fine Tony." "I can see that." "Come on Tony I really am fine. Just drop it. It is our honeymoon." "No I will not drop it. I need to know what is upsetting you. Talk to me sweetheart. I am here for you. I love you." She turned her head away but Tony turned her head back so she was looking at him. "I am your husband and I would never hurt you or push you away because you said something or because you did not say something. I need you to be able to trust me. I love you Michelle. My job is to make you feel better. So what is the matter?" "I…I…I can´t…..I can´t get these….pictures out of my head" said Michelle and started to cry. Tony pulled her into a hug and stroked her back, while she cried into his chest. "It is OK. I am here." After a few minutes Tony could here Michelle´s breathing evening out and when he looked down at her, he saw that she was sleeping. He laid her down and covered her with the blanket. Then he wanted to get up to get changed but Michelle noticed that and clung to his shirt. "Please do not go. I cannot be alone. Not now. Not in this situation Tony. Please." She looked at him with pleading eyes. "I am just going to change into my pyjamas. I am not going anywhere. I am staying right here. OK?" he asked with concern. She nodded her head. After he has changed he moved into the bed with Michelle and he wrapped his arm around while she snuggled into him. After a few minuted Michelle was back sound asleep. He just hoped that her fear of thunder, lightnening, sirens, combat, darkness, her claustophobia, her fear of doctors and her fear of flying would be able to be handled with therapy. And that her nightmares would be over soon. With those thoughts and the thoughts about Michelle´s well-being this night, he drifted of to sleep.


	2. Trying face life again

December 1997

One evening Michelle is looking at a picture which was taken a month before the attack, with the whole CTU team. Then she looks at two wedding picture of her wedding. One with Jack and Kim as whitnesses and one with Tony´s four grandparents and her four grandparents, Tony´s parents, his two brothers with their wives and three and five kids, her brother with wife and her mother.

Only moments later Tony returns home from the grocery store. After putting the groceries in the kitchen he enters the livingroom and sees his wife looking at the pictures. He sees at what pictures she is looking and he himself is a little sad, too. He could see that she was still hurting, even if she wasn´t looking at him. When she noticed him she turned around and saw him and he could see the still very deep pain she has. He knew he had to do something that would help her, because he could not see his wife being in so much agony and pain. Not if he can help it and change it. He walks up to her and places his hands on her hips. "Michelle it is hard I know. But you have to start letting go. We have to start living our own life. I am not asking you to forget them. I am asking you to open yourself to a new part of your life." She looked up at him and saw the love and compassion in his eyes. She knew he just wanted her to be happy. "Tony I need time. I am not quite ready yet. But I will get there Tony. I promise. I just need time." He nodded and gave her kiss to her temple. He pulled her into a hug hoping it would make her a little comfortable. He decided to not push the issue right now because she would block it off anyway. He figured that she really just needed time.

A few days later on Christmas morning Tony could see that the pain Michelle had was still too deep, for her to be happy and wanting to celebrate Christmas so he decided to call his parents and tell them that they would not be coming to the annual Christmas dinner. "Mom it´s Tony." "Tony!" "Mom Michelle and I will not be coming." "Why?" "I told you that CTU wss bombed and that we lost a lot of collegues and very good friends. Michelle still has not totally recovered. She needs time mom." "But you can still come." "No we cannot Mom. Michelle is in pain and agony. It is hard enough for her to get through our normal day even as we are not working and just relaxing. It is very hard for her. I cannot see her getting through those hours. She can hardly handle two to three hours just relaxing without crying her eyes out and taking a nap after." "Let me talk to her Tony." "No. How about you come to our house and we do it here. It would be easier on Michelle. She would have the possibility to be at a place she feels safe and can rest whenever she wants. Please Mom. Michelle needs to feels safe." "OK. I will pack the food and call your parents." "Thank you." An hour later Tony´s parents and brother´s arrive with their families. Tony has already informed Michelle and she has agreed. They are setting the table and Preparing the dinner when Michelle enters the kitchen and walks up to Tony. He sees her and pulls her into a hug. He can still see the pain in her eyes. "Are you OK sweetheart." "As OK as I will be Tony." She walks over to the livingroom and sits down aon the couch her legs next to her and covers herfeld with a blanket. Tony´s sister-in-law sits down next to her. "Are you OK Michelle?" "Yeah." "Are you sure?" Tony comes out of the kitchen and sees his sister-in-law asking Michelle and he sees that it is bothering Michelle. He says "if she said she is OK then she is OK." His sister-in-law remains seated. He then talks to Michelle. "You stay here and rest. I´ll take care of everything. Call me if you need me." "Yeah." She gets up and walks to the sideboard and looks at gets the three photos and sits down again. Tony is still standing next to the couch. "Michelle stop hurting yourself with that. We´ll go visit them later OK. Give me the pictures I´ll put them back." "Tony I just need these pictures. Please." "OK. But if it starts hurting to much put them back or call me." She then hears an ambulance going by their house and immediately grabs Tony´s hand. He notices her panic and says. "Michelle we are not at CTU. It is OK. Calm down." After two to three minuted Michelle has calmed down. "Sorry Tony I just thought that…" "It is OK. Relax I will call you when dinner is ready." He walks back to the kitchen.

After dinner they are sitting in the livingroom and Tony is sitting on the armrest of the sofa next to Michelle with his arm around your shoulder. He notices how Michelle is getting fidgetiy and rubs her back to calm her down. He knows that it is coming from the claustophobia. Tony gets up and leads Michelle to the dinningroom to calm her down a little. In the dinningroom Michelle starts talking. "I´m sorry Tony. I couldn´t stop it." "It is OK. That is why we did it here. So that you are comfortable." "Let´s go back. I do not want them to know." "OK I will not tell them" They go back to the livingroom, with Tony having one arm wrapped around Michelle´s shoulder and the other holding her hands. Tony´s mother asks "where have you been? everything OK with you Michelle?" Tony looks at Michelle with a questioning look and Michelle says. "Tony do not tell them. Please." "Michelle is fine. Nothing that is supposed to concern you. Michelle sits back down on the couch and Tony sits back down on the armrest next to Michelle with his arm on her back and with the other hand he is holding her hand. After a few more hours Tony´s family and Michelle´s brother and his family go home and leave Tony and Michelle alone. "Thank you for not telling them Tony." "I told you we are going to tell him when you are ready. Not before. They do not need to know. We ca handle it alone. I love you." "I love you too Tony. Take me to bed." He leads her to the master bedroom. He helps her get changed and both fall asleep soon.


	3. Starting to talk about it

January 1998

It had been two months since the attack but Michelle still had problems coping with the loss of her friends and collegues death. She still had nightmares and blamed herself, even if it was not her fault. She also remembered the incident when her brother visited her only hours after the attack and attacked his former lover Carrie.

Tony was really starting to get worried about her mental health. He was not sure how much longer she could live that life without getting proffessional help with her problems. He was not sure how long it would take until she would have a breakdown out of exhaustion. He knew that her behaviour was not quite normal, because she was still so much shaken up like the first day after the attack. There has not been much change. He decides to confront her and to try to get her to get proffessional help.

After dinner in the livingroom. "Michelle I think it yould be a good advice if you would get proffessional help." "With what Tony? I am finde." "You need to get help coping with the loss of our friends and co-workers." "Tony I am fine. Just frop it." "Sweetheart look at you. You have not smiled once since the attack. Michelle you are so worn out. I am worried that you could have a break down if you do not get help soon." "I said I am fine. Please just drop it." He knew he should not push her because she would block but he had the feeling he had to try it anyway. "I am not going to drop it. I see that you are still hurting and I can not stand seeing you that way. I know that you are still grieving so do not lie to me. You need some help Michelle." "I cannot go to a therapist. Not alone." "How about we go together." "OK."

A few days later Tony and Michelle are at the psychologists. Michelle is a little uncomfortable. "Michelle I talked to Tony a bit and he told me about your problem. Can you describe to me how you are feeling now?" "I wan´t Tony to be here. I cannot do this alone." "I want to talk to you alone. I did the same with Tony." "No. I want Tony at my side or I am not going to say a word." "I´ll go get him." She walks to the waiting area and a minute later she and Tony return. Michelle sees Tony and by the look Tony sees on her face he knows something is wrong. "Tony." He sits down next to her on the couch and wraps an arm around her shoulder. With the other hand he hold her hands. She lays her head against his chest and cries in sobs. The psychologist looks a little surprised at the couple. She sits down on a chair across from them. "Michelle it is OK. I am here now." " Do not leave me please." "I will not leave you. I am right here now. You are not alone. It is OK" After a few minutes Michelle´s sobs have subsided. "What did you do to her Elaine?" "I asked her to tell me how she is feeling now. That is when she asked for now and said she would not say another word without you." "Elaine I told you to talk to her about the normal life. After I am back you should ask her attack-related questions. Not before that." Michelle is still clinging to his chest and Tony´s is still strocking her back to calm her down. Tony´s voice has gotten a little louder and Michelle looks up to him with a little fear in her eyes. Tony sees her look and knows why she is looking that way. "Sorry Michelle. I did not intend to raise my voice."

A few minutes later Michelle´s cell phone rings and she answers it. After that she looks and Tony and says. "Marie Warner escaped on her way to court. She tried to kill her father. Jack asked us to come by because Kate is a little rattled. She asked for us." "How bad is it?" "He is critical and they do not know if he is going to survive the night." "Oh my God. How did that happen." "I do not know. Jack and Kim are trying to calm Kate down right now. But I do not want to leave Kate alone with that. Please Tony we have to go to the hospital." "Yeah. Bye Elaine we will call you."

At the hospital they find a devestated Kate and Jack and Kim trying to calm her down. "Tony, Michelle thank God you are here." Says Kate. "We said we would come." "Jack and Kim did a wonderful trying to comfort me. Kim is like a daughter to me but I just needed a friend. Sorry Kim. Sorry Jack." "It is OK honey." "It is OK Kate. You are like a second mother to me but I can understand you. I know how it was when mom died. Dad and I will go grab a coffee. If you need me call me." "OK." Jack and Kim go to the cafeteria. Michelle and Tony sit down on either side of Kate. "Michelle I am sorry if I called you away from something. But I just needed you two." "It is OK Kate. Tony I came because you are our friend. Tony could you go get us a coffee." "Sure." Tony goes to buy coffee." "Kate are you OK." "No. I do not know if he is going to survive the night and Marie is still on the loose." She starts to cry and Michelle pulls her into a hug and tries to comfort her. "Kate you are not alone. Tony and I are here. So are Kim and Jack." "Thank you." They remain at the hospital for a few more hours and reutrn home for the night later.

Bob Warner came out of the critical phase a few days later which pleased Kate very much.

A few days later Tony and Michelle are back at the psychologist´s office.

"Are you able to describe the things that happened that day to me." Well we evaquated the buildung. At least we tried. Then the bomb exploded and everything acme down. We tried to free them form under the debris but a lot of them were already dead or died at the hospital later. A lot were wounded too. Paula was the only one who could retrieve the information we needed. They woke her up again and she was able to retrieve the information before she died. Then Tony had to follow a lead. When he came back I told him Paula had died, He had already left at that time. A few hours later I was listening to an audio file when Tony came to me. He said I had blood on my nack. But it was not my blood. It was Paula´s on my neck and……she trails off into sobs crying against Tony´s chest. Tony starts talking. "I sent Michelle to clean-up, change and get something to eat because she was totally out of it at that time. She did not come back for a while and when I went to check on her I found her crying in the break room. Later her brother came by and attacked his former lover who was working for us temporarly basis. This scene really caused her to emotionally break down." Michelle looks at Tony thankfully and says. "Thank you Tony." "Michelle how did you fell after this day." She does not answer. "Tony how did she feel after this day?" "I can tell you that she felt unsure if she would be able to work at CTU again after this had ahppened there. And she felt lost and still does a little because she has lost almost all her friends. She did not smile since. She also did not talk for a week and she did not shed a tear until our honeymoon four weeks after the attack. She was emotionally broken and at some points I did fear that she would not fully recover or would never recover. She also did not sleep for a week and since then she has nightmares every night." "How do you fell now Michelle?" "Not much better tham shortly after the attack." She starts crying again and Tony knows he has to take her home.

When they arrive at their house Tony carries the sleeping Michelle to bed. After a few hours, close to dinner-time, Michelle wakes up and enters the livingroom where Tony is reading the paper. "I am sorry I lost it." "It is OK Michelle. We´re OK." "No. We are not OK." "Michelle…" "No Tony. We´re not OK because I am not OK. And I am putting you in impossible situations and I do not even have enough courage to tell your family what is wrong with me. Tony that is not OK. So we are not OK." "Michelle we are OK. Listen to me. Even if you need time to rebuild your confidence it is OK. Michelle I do not want you to worry about these things. I will handle that. I just want you to fully recover." "Thank you Tony."


	4. Remembering dreams

April1998

A few months after Michelle and Tony have had a lot of therapy sessions and Michelle has improved a lot and is more stable then three months ago. She is starting to live a normal life with Tony and tries to be happy but she still sometimes has her depressive moments since CTU had been blown up and since her fears have rapidly increased. If it were not for Tony she would probably have given up by now.

One day after their shift they visit the 33 graves of their collegues and friends at the cemetary. They pay their respects to each one of them and then they drive home. After dinner they go to bed and Michelle has already fallen asleep when Tony gives her a goodnoght kiss on her head. Michelle stirs and then totally freaks out and screams. "Stop it. Stop it. Get off of me." Tony, who thinks it is a bad dream, tries to soothe her. "Michelle it is me Tony. It is me sweetheart. It is Tony Michelle." Michelle sits up in bed crying and Tony just let´s her cry into his chest. After a few minutes her tears have subsided and Michelle is ashamed about what has just happened. "I am sorry Tony." "Michelle it was just a dream." "Tony it was a nightmares not a dream." Tony immediately starts to worry about Michelle. He has no idea what she is talking about. "Michelle what happened? And when?" Michelle sighs and looks at Tony and sees nothing but true love. "I grew up with my parents Patrick and Grace and my five year older brother Danny in Los Angeles. One day I came home frome school and my brother was at a friends house and my mother was still at work. I entered the house and found my dad on the livingroom floor. I was ten and he had been stabbed. He was a defense attorny. Four years later, I was 14, my mother re-married. He was an old friend of my dad´s. He was a doctor a sinai medical. My mother and Joseph were only married for five years until he died of cancer. After that my mother, my brother and me were totally devestated. My mother still lives in the house my parents brought when they married in 1965. At that time I was 19 and I decided to continue to live with my mother, because she needed me.

One evening when I was on my home. I walked down a street in our area and only was two streets away from our house, when someone suddenly pulled me of the street into his backyard. He raped me for hours and continued it for the next four days. One day he fergot to cuff me back to the heater and I could escape. The guy was an old friend of my mother´s from school who still had ad crush on her and wanted to get back at her through that. He is currently serving 20 years in prison." After that Michelle breaks down in tears and cries into Tony´s chest. "It is OK Michelle. You are safe. He cannot hurt you anymore." After a few minutes her tears subside and she falls back asleep.

The next morning Tony gets up and has an idea how both of them can just relax and be normal again. While eating breakfast he talks to Michelle about his idea. "Michelle do you remember what one of our dreams was?" "Yes. A big family." "No the other one." "Travelling around the world." "How about we live the plan now. Just you and me. So we could relax a little and be normal again." "Well we paid the house without a loan and for redoing the house we did not need a loan either. So we actually do not have any savings. My father was a defense attorny and left us a fortune over 10,5 Million. My brother and I both inherited 3,5 million and so did my mom. I, my brother and my mother gave a total of 4,5 million of that money to charities like my father did with the larger amount of his money. He also left me and my brother an account over each 1 million. We could use some of that money Tony. How ling do you want to be away?" "How about until Febuary 2000. We could take a leave of absense. How does that sound?" "Phantastic." Thea plan to leave in two weeks and want to inform their collegues the next day.


	5. A new family member

March 1999

Michelle has given birth to their first child a daughter in a hospital in Jerusalem. Her name is Rose Claire Elizabeth Beatrice. She was born on March 10th. Her godparents are Kimberly Bauer and Jack Bauer. Both of them would come to the baptism in Jerusalem.

After staying in Jerusalem for four weeks, to give Michelle a stable home for the first weeks to give her the possibility to adjust to the new situation, they continue their travel. They are know travelling are a real little family and enjoy the time together without being worried about terrorists or other people.


	6. Talking about fears

June 1999

Tony, Michelle and Rose have just finished their travel through Europa and are now at the London Heathrow Airport to board a plane to Buenos Aires, Argentina. They are on pre-boarding because they have a little child with them. They will continue their travel from Buenos Aires back to Los Angeles. They booked three seats and a baby crib for Rose so that they would have their privacy in the middle row and that Tony was able to take care of Michelle who was really frightened of flying. After Rose is asleep in her babycrib Michelle expresses her fear. "Tony is she going to be alright during the flight?" "Michelle relax she is going to be fine and so are you." Michelle looks and him with a thankful look. "Are you sure she is going to be fine?" "Honey relax there are other kids on the plane too. She is going to be have. You are going to have to trust me Michelle." "Tony I trust you. I do not trust the weather. I do not want her to get hurt." Tony pulls her into a hug and she rests her head against his chest. "We are going to be fine Michelle."

Michelle is afriad of flying and she had problems during the other flights they made, too. From Los Angeles to Singapur, from Singapur to Darwin and from Auckland to Tokyo. He is worried if she is able to handle another flight but he just hopes that she will sleep during the flight.

By now the plane is on it´s way to the run way. When Michelle notices that she immediately clutches Tony´s hand. During the take of Michelle´s face turns white and she has tears running down her face. He pulls her into his chest and tries to soothe her buy rubbing her back and speaking encouraging words. He gives her a cup of water and a pill. "Here take this. It will help you." Only minutes later she is asleep in his arms and he puts her legs up on the extra seat he booked and puts her head on his lap and covers her with a blanket. While she is sleeping he is reading a book and is trying to rest a little bit. After a few hours Michelle and Rose are wide awake. After changing and feeding Rose Tony and Michelle play with her a little while and Michelle relaxes a little. Suddenly the plane swings a little and Michelle immediately cluthes Tony´s hand "Tony!" "Michelle it is just the wind. We are going to be fine." He gives her a cup of water and a pill. "Here take this. It will help you." She takes it and minutes later she is sleeping again. And Rose is sleeping in her crib.

When they are starting to land he puts the still sleeping Michelle in an up-right postion. When the plane is at the final destination and almost all the other passengers have left the plane he slowly wakes her up. "Michelle sweetheart wake up. We are there." Michelle opens her eyes. "Why was I asleep." "You slept twice because I gave you two pills to let you sleep. I did it during the other three flights too. If I had not done that you would probably have freaked the whole time and would not have gotten any rest." "Thynk you for doing that Tony." "All the other passengers have already left the plane. Come on."

After the three of them arrive at the hotelroom Michelle is still a little shaken up but is starting to relax. But on the other hand she is still exhausted. "Michelle why don´t you and Rose lie down for a nap." "Tony I am OK. I just want to relax with my family." Tony knew that too much arguing would not do any good at all and that it would only make things worse. So he just thought of a different way to get Michelle to relax and sleep. "Michelle how about we lie down on the bed and play with Rose." "Tony I am fine." "I know that all flights have caused a lot of panic on your side. But it is over and I need you to let go of the panic and relax and start living again." He looks at here and he can still see the fear in her eyes. "Please Michelle give yourself a brake." "OK we will play with Rose on the bed and no other kind of relaxing." "OK." He knows that is as far of relaxing as it will be. But he is happy that she at least gives herself a little brake.

After a few hours of relaxing they take a walk through Buenos Aires with Rose and Michelle starts talking about the source of her fears. "I started having fears after my step-father died. After that my brother and my mother, a nurse at the children´s ward at sinai hospital pulled extra shifts to support us. We could not get to my father´s fortune because Danny and I had to be 25. My mother was aloud to get money from my father´s fortune. So she donated 4,5 Million Dollars to Charity. The other 6 Million where split into three. Each got 2 Million. My mother received an account over 500 thousand and Danny and I received an account of 1 million each. For when we got married. We were only aloud to get that million when we were married or had children. The othger two million are for our life but we are only aloud to take money from that account for saving accounts for our children, for charity or when we need money because we do not have any anymore and need to pay medical bills or when a child is very very ill and needs expensive treatment or when we need money to live because we both lost our jobs and would not get any pension. In that case the bank would pay us a monthly amount. But for every reason the bank needs proof of that reason. Well my mother used the 500 thousand to pay my step-father´s medical bills and his funeral and to pay her therapy anfter my father´s and my step-father´s death and she left some in the account for her years in retirement.

Well after both of my father´s deaths I started to have all the fears you know about and after the attack on CTU these fears have only increased not decreased. I was not able to get rid of them yet. But I think I need a therapy Tony. Will you help me?" "Of yourse I will." When the return from the walk they eat dinner and go to bed.


	7. A big suprise

Septermber 1999

Tony and Michelle are now travelling in Peru. They are at their hotel when Michelle notices something which worries on one hand and on the other hand it makes her happy. After putting Rose to bed she decides tot talk to Tony. "Tony I need to talk to you." "What is it Michelle?"

She swallows a lump in her throat and then looks at Tony who looks concerned by now. "Tony I am pregnant." "Are you sure?" "Not quite but pretty. I think about six to eight weeks. I think we need to go to the hospital tomorrow to get it checked out." "Michelle relax we are going to be OK. You got nothing to worry about."

The next day the three of them go to a modern hospital in Lima to have Michelle checked out. At the hospital the doctor tells them that Michelle is pregnant and that the baby is probably due in mid April. Michelle was right she is about seven to eight weeks pregnant. They go to a pharmacy afterwards and by prenatal vitamins. Tony is happy that they do not have to fly because that would cause troubel. That way they can get passed the critical phase more easy.

After they return to the hotel they put Rose down for her nap. "Tony how do feel about that?" Are you happy Tony?" "Michelle I am happy. Are you alright with this sweetheart?" "Yes I am more than alright with this. Even if it was not planned." "Michelle we have to inform our families." "No. We did when I was pregnant with Rose, too. I know. But we did when the critical phase of three months was over. Please I want to wait until the critical phase is over." "OK. If you feel better that way we will tell them in two months." "Thank you Tony. I love you." "I love you too Michelle."


	8. Languages

November 1999

The last two months went by without any complications and they now are in Costa Rica in Central America. Michelle is now four months pregnant and is starting to show a little. Rose is now a very active child who keeps her parents permanently busy. They have a lot of fun on the hotel playgrounds but they also do a lot of sightseeing and hicking. They raise Rose bilingual. Tony and Michelle both speak English and Spanish fluently and they talk to her in English or Spanish. They want her to be able to speak more than one kanguage on Michelle´s family has hispanic backgrounds and so does Tony´s family.

They are at the playground playing when Michelle sits down on a bench with Rose and starts eating fruit. Tony walks up to them and looks a little concerned. "Are you to alright?" "Yeah. She is exhausted and quit frankly so am I. We are just eating a little bit of fruit. We´ll be alright." "Michelle you really look exhausted. Why don´t we get you to back to the hotel for a nap. We can come back later." "OK. Rose is a little bit tiered anyway. I could use a nap to. So could you Tony." "Yeah." After returning to the hotel Tony makes sure that Rose and Michelle take their nap and he then sits down at the desk and reads the local news paper. He just hopes that Michelle is as alright as she wants him to think.


	9. Daily nap

January 2000

Michelle is now six months pregnant. Michelle is exhausted a lot and needs brakes more often than before. Tony does the best he can to help her. He also knows of her ned for reassurance and of her fears. They have to stop often because of her claustophobia. It took Tony a lot of time to get her to trust his driving so much, that they could drive two or three hours without a brake every ten to twenty minutes, like in the beginning. She is really improving. She was also afraid of crowds but now she can at least be in crowds for two to three hours and that has given Michelle the encouragement she needed too. Both of them are optimistic that she is going to get past all of her fears someday. She has also improved by being afraid of the dark.

In their trailor. Michelle is sitting on the bed reading a book and Rose and Tony are playing next to her when Rose crawls up to her. "Rose go play with daddy. It just need to rest a little." She looks at Tony and says. "I am going to take a little nap if you do not mind." "No go ahead. Rose and I will play in front on the blanket in front of the kitchen part." "OK." She watches Tony and Rose go up front and play while she drifts of to sleep and notices that she really needs her daily nap.


	10. The second arrival

April 2000

Michelle has just given birth to their second child, and forst son. His name is David Matthew Joseph Damon and he was born on April 3rd 2000 in Washington D.C. The whole family came to Washington to congragulate them. His godparents are Chloe O´Brian and Jack Bauer.

After a week the whole family drove back to Los Angeles. Some by plane and Tony and his family by car.


	11. Old memories and fears

Mai 2000

Tony has started working again after their leave of absence and Michelle was staying home and was takeing care of the children. Michelle is really enjoying her quality time with the kids. But on the other side she also misses her job. Tony is glad that she has time to relax and that she is not confronted with the work because he knows that one experience can worsen the fears again. But he was optimistic that she would get over her fears someday.

Michelle has started therapy and that meant she came by Tony´s office four times a week for therapy sessions. They did it in Tony´s office because Tony wanted to be near Michelle when she needed him the most and Michelle had requested it.

One day in a therapy session they are talking about her fears of doctors when Michelle totally looses it. "Michelle can you describe for me what your fear is by going to a doctor?" asked Elaine. "Elaine it is pure panic." "Panic of what Michelle?" Michelle swallows a lump in her throat and looks at Tony pleading for him to help her. He takes the hint. "Elaine could you give us a minute?" "Sure. I´ll bw back in ten minutes." After Elaine has left the office Tony talks to Michelle. "Honey what is it?" "It is total panic to go to male doctors. That is why all of our doctors are female Tony." "Why?" "The guy who had a crush on my mother was a doctor. The guay who raped me." "You have to tell Elaine. She might be able to help you. "OK." Tony and Elaine return a minute later. Elaine sees Michelle and asks Tony. "What is going on Tony?" Tony sits down on the couch noxt to Michelle and Elaine sits down on a chair across from therm. "Elaine give her a minute. Please." "Elaine four years after my father died my mother married my step-father. He died five years later of cancer. Then on day I was walking home from a lession someone pulled me into his yard and then held me captive for days. I was raped over hours and one time he forgot to tie me up again. I escaped. The guy was an old friend of my mother and wanted to get back at her through that. He was a doctor." She now sobs again and Tony pulls her into his chest.

"Michelle are you able to continue?" "What do you think Tony?" "Michelle it is your decision." "Tony could I talk to you for a minute?" "Sure Elaine." They leave the office for a moment. "Elaine why is she asking me for advice?" "Tony she just relived one of the most horrible experiences someone can have. I think she needs you and the kids. And I can tell you she definitely has one fear you do not know about." "Which one would that be?" "Tony after losing both of her fathers I think she has the fear of losing you too. Before we can continue working on other fears we have to work on this fear first." "OK. Let´s go back in Elaine." They reenter Tony´s office. "Michelle what is you decision?" "I would like to go home." Elaine leaves the couple and Tony and Michelle and their kids head home.


	12. Tony is worried

July 2000

Michelle has started to work again and the kids are in daycare. But since Michelle has returned to work Tony notices that her behaviour has changed a loz. She is more figitty and she comes to Tony´s office more often for a kiss, a hug or just for encouraging word. Tony at first thinks that she misses the kids but after a while he gets the feeling that something is wrong with Michelle but he just cannot shake it. He just hopes that Michelle will come to him herself.


	13. Illness

September 2000

Michelle comes to Tony´s office to cry, because it is the week of her cycle. Somehoe the cycle pain has increased over the last two years. While treir travel Michelle has complained about increasing pain every month. Tony had been worries back then but now he is really worried about her. During those weeks she really needy and she needs a lot of help with the kids to. Michelle knows that she has to tell Tony the truth because he has a right to know and because he is really worried. Michelle is in Tony´s office on the couch crying. He wants to know what is wrong with her but she starts talking. "Tony I was at the doctors about four years ago. It was a routine checkup and the doctor detected a ulceor in my uterus. She said that it might need to removed someday if it causes trouble. It has already caused trouble. During my pregnancies I had increased pain if you remember. It was the ulceor. I am going to need an operation Tony." "I´ll go with you." "Thank you. Let us go home." They walk out of Tony`s office while they are walking down the stairs he sees the pain on her face and takes her hand and she gives him an appreciating smile and a queeze to the hand.

A few days later they are in the doctor´s office and the doctor has told them what needs to be done. She has also told them that she will be able to have children after that because they will use a special operating technique. "Do you know someone who only uses females in their operating team?" "Yeah a collegue of mine at Sinai hospital only uses female nurses to make it easier for the woman." "Thank you."

When they returned home Michelle sits down on the couch and starts reading a book, that is her way of processing things. He will not push her because he knows how hard it is on her. He just hopes that Michelle will be feeling better after the operation and the it will not get worse.


	14. An unexpected suprise

December 2000

Michelle is felling much better since she was operated in September. Tony is glad that she is feeling so much better. Michelle is in the bathroom when she reads the outcome of the two pregnancies takes she has taken and much to her surprise she is pregnant. She takes the tests and goes to the livinroom where Tony is. "Tony I need to talk to you." "What is it?" she hands him the test. He sees the outcome and asks "it that true?" "I guess so." "We are going to have another baby. Are you Ok with that Michelle?" "I am OK with that. We always wanted a big family I just did not think that we would have one so soon.. But we will handle it." "Yeah Michelle we will handle it."

The next day the go to the doctor who tells them that the baby is due in June and that Michelle is pregnant 7-8 weeks.

Two weeks later Tony and Michelle are preparing everything for Christmas. It will be David´s fiorst Christmas. Michelle is glad that Tony is helping her a little. She just hoped that everything would turn out alright and that the baby would be healthy. "How are you Michelle?" "Good for now. I just hope that Rose will not give me a hard time again when I am going to put her down for her nap." "Why?" "She gave me areally good time the last days and asked to be let out and she asked for you." "I told her that she needs to nap and that you would pit her to bed too, if you would be there, right?" "I sure would. I will put her to bed later." "Thank you Tony." He pulls her into his chest and kisses her temple. After that both of them continue to prepare lunch.


	15. Being brave

March 2001

Michelle is now 5 ½ months pregnant with their third child who is due in the end of June. Rose has just celebrated her second birthday and is a healthy and very active little girl who likes to draw and who likes play with her younger brother David. Michelle and Tony are both working and the children are in Daycare during that time. Michelle was schowing and Tony was getting a little worried because Michelle seemed to be thoughts most of the time and she seemed to be far away sometimes. While he was watching his wife from his office he decided to talk to her in the evening to find out what is bugging her.

In the evening in the livingroom. "Michelle what is bugging you?" "An idea." "What kind of idea Michelle?" "I was thinking that it might be a good idea if I would stay at home for a while after the baby is born." "Why?" "I want to spend more time with the kids. Tony I barely see them when we are working and I just have the need to spend more time with them." "Are you sure you want to give up your job Michelle?" "No. I do not want to give up my job. I just want tot take some time of. And after a while I will come back to work." "Michelle you know that I will support you in every choice that you make. But it has to be your decision. And if you want to do it I will helo you and support you." "Thank you Tony. I want to do it. I want to take some time of and spend time with the kids." "You are such a good mom Michelle. I love you." "I love you too Tony."

A few days later Michelle came to Tony´s office with an idea. "Tony I have an idea." "What is it Michelle?" "I want to start therapy against the fear of flying." "Are you sure?" "Positive." "Then we will go talk to Elaine." "No Tony." "What do you mean no?" "I want to do it alone. I want to do this therapy alone. I do not want you to come. It is something I need to do alone." "Michelle I promised you I would help you. I will come with you." "I know what you promised me. And I promise you I will come to you if I need your help. But I really want to try to do it alone Tony. Please." "OK. But promise me that if you need me you will ask me for help." "I will Tony. Thank you. I love you very much honey." "I love you too sweetheart."


	16. Takeing a big step

March 2001

Two days later Michelle is in Elaine´s office and wants to talk to her about a therapy against flying. She is now 27 weeks pregnant. "Hello Michelle!" "Hello Elaine. I need to talk to you." "Sure." The two women sit down in Elaine´s office and Michelle starts talking. "Elaine I want to start therapy against my fear of flying." "Ok. But I have one question first. How have you coped with your other fears?" "Well during our travel I have improved a lot healing my claustophobia and my fear of the dark. And as you said in Tony´s office once Elaine I am really improving." "You are improving Michelle and I think that we should take the Monday as a day where we work on you claustophobia." "Thank you Elaine. How long do you think will I have to continue to have therapy because of that?" "Well you are doing very well. I would say about a year." "That sounds good Elaine. Thank you." "What about your fears of thunder, lightening, sirens and combat." "Well that is a really tricky thing and I actually do not know how I will cope with that. But I am glad that I have Tony." "Michelle how about we work on these fears on Tuesday and Friday. How does that sound?" "It does sound pretty good for me and I think I could live with that arrangement." "Michelle you know that therapy will continue for another two years on those fears right?" "I know Elaine." "But now to the real reason you came hear for. Your fear opf flying right?" "Yes. I want to start therapy because of that." "Well it will take time but we will be fine. How about we do that on Thursdays?" "That sounds pretty good to me Elaine. Thank you." "You are welcome Michelle." "Elaine one more thing." "Yes." "I do not want Tony at my therapy sessions anymore because I need to do this alone. I only want him with me when it is really nessecary." "Ok." "But I still want to do it in CTU just in case that I need him." "That is alright with me."

After Michelle has returned home and Tony has returned home and the kids are playing on the floor in the livingroom Michelle decides to talk to Tony. "Tony I want to talk to you." "Sure what is it?" "I went to see Elaine today and I told her that I want to start therapy against my fear of flying." "Are you sure you want to do that Michelle?" "Positive. Tony I need to do this." "I know but I just want to make sure that you do not feel pressured to do that." "Tony no one is pressuring me to do this. I need to do this because I want to have a normal life without fear." "Ok. I will support you whatever you do. OK?" "Thank you Tony. Tony I will continue therapy in CTU but I do not want you to attend permanently. I only want you to attend if it is really really nessecary, because I really want to do this alone Tony." "Are you sure about this?" "Well not really yet. But I at least have to try it Tony. Please." "Michelle whenever you want me in your sessions you know where you can find me right?" "Yes. Thank you Tony." Michelle is crying and Tony pulls her into a hug. "Michelle I know you are afraid but I will always be at your side. You know where to find me if you need help." "Thank you honey." Rose comes to the couch her parents are sitting on. "Mommy go play?" "Mommy can not play with you. Not right now. Ask daddy." "Daddy will go play with you Rose. We will leave mommy rest OK?" "No. Want to play with mommy." "Sweetie mommy is not feeling well. I will play with you. You can play with mommy after dinner OK?" "OK." Tony sits down and plays with Rose and David while Michelle walks into the kitchen to make dinner and to process everything that has changed in her schedule today. While she is cooking dinner she hears Tony and the kids playing and hving fun in the livingroom. After she has set the dinningroom table she put a letter on the table and went to the bedroom.

_Tony,_

_I know that I promised Rose to play with her but after talking with Elaine and after 8 hours at work I am totally exhausted and I just need a break. Tell Rose that I am sorry and that I will make it up to her. I am in bed. When you come to the bedroom I might already be sleeping. Please Tony forgive me for breaking my promise. I love you and the kids."_

_Michelle_

After they had finished playing and were hungry Tony and the kids went to the dinningroom where Tony found the letter and read it. Then he and the kids ate dinner and he brought them to bed. Rose was a little fussy because Michelle could not play with her. After he had brought the kids to bed he went into the master bedroom and found Michelle laying in bed covered with a blanket. She was reading a book. "Hey sweetheart." "Hey Tony." "The kids are in bed." "Was Rose mad at me?" "You could say that but she just has to accept that sometimes you need a break too." "Tony I am sorry that I let her down but I just needed to lie down. I am totally exhausted." "Michelle it is Ok. She has to accept that you are tired sometimes too. DO not worry she is fine. How are you feeling?" "I have been better to be honest. This whole day working and then going to Elaine´s office has just powered me out. Maybe I am exhausted that easy because I am pregnant. Again." "Michelle no matter why you have been exhausted that easy over the past two years. I do not care, because I love you and you are my wife. You have every right to be exhausted at some point in time. Every one needs a break sometimes Michelle. You need your break now. That is alright. Let us go to bed Michelle." He gets changed and joins her in bed. He wraps his arms around her and gives her the feeling of being safe and loved.


	17. A Vacation

April 2001

Michelle is now 32 weeks pregnant and Rose is becoming aware that there is something that has changed with her mom. But neither Tony nor Michelle think that she really knows that it is a baby. Michelle has been improving in her therapies and she has not needed Tony to help her out during the sessions once since Michelle has decided the change. Both Michelle and Tony are really happy about the progress. "Michelle how are you doing with your therapy?" "To be honest pretty good actually. Better than I had hoped." "I am proud of you Michelle. You are doing really well." "Thank you Tony. That means a lot." "In a while you will have passed all of your fears Michelle." "I hope so Tony. I just want this to end." "It will Michelle. You have to have faith. How about we give Rose and David to your mother for the weekend and just take some time off. Have some time alone. You and me." "Tony that is a wonderful idea. But to be honest. Would be such a problem to take them with us." "Why?" "I just have the need to have them around. I have miised so much of them over the past year. Especially from David. I mean Rose has had us during the trip but David." "I know what you mean. I do not have a problem with takeing them with us. Not at all. If that is what makes you happy." "it does Tony. Thank you." "Where do you want to go Michelle?" "How about up north to the Parks?" "That sounds teriffic."

Two days later, on Friday evening, Michelle, Tony, Rose and David are driving to the north to the National Parks in the Woods where they are going to spend the weekend. The kids are sleeping in the back and Michelle is holding Tony´s hand while he is driving. "Tony do you want another girl or another boy?" "Why is that so important. The only thing that matters is that the baby is healthy right?" "Yes but I know you Tony. You have a preference right?" "Michelle like I tod you during the other pregnancies I do not have a preference. The only thing that matters to me is that you, the baby, Rose and David are healthy. You hear me Michelle?" "Thank you so much Tony. Do you mind if I close my eyes until we are there?" "Go ahead sweetheart. Get some sleep." Michelle rolls down the seat a little bit so that she is lying a little and covers herself with a blanket and sleeps. After another two hours Tony and his family have arrived at the hotel. Tony has carried David and Rose into the room and now he gets Michelle. After he has carried her inside he lays her down on the bed and covers her with a blanket." He sits down on the chair and hopes that the vacation will help Michelle realxa little and that she will have time to play with Rose and David and that these will be two happy days for her.


	18. Relaxing with the family

April 2001

Michelle, Tony and their children are on their weekend in the National Parks and are enjoying there time as a family. Tony sees how good this is for Michelle and decides that they should do that more often. He promises himself that he will make sure that they will do that more often. He sees Michelle relaxing a lot and he also notices that she is not as exhausted as she used to be. He is really happy for her. "Tony I think we should do this more often." "What?" "Going away on the weekends. It is good for all of us." "Yes. I agree to that. We really should do that more often." They kiss passionately and Tony slightly touches Michelles growing stomach and she smiles grately. After lunch and after the kids have had their nap Tony goes outside to play with his children while Michelle takes a nap. When he returns with the kids he find Michelle sleeping on the bed and does not want to wake her up because she needs her nap. So Tony decides to go to an other playground with the kids to give Michelle the time to rest and to gather new strenth for the rest of the day. When he has learned one thing on this job, then that he has to protect his family by any means.


	19. A big loss

May 2001

Michelle is now 33 weeks pregnant and Tony notices that she has to rest more than normal. Michelle knows that she has to rest more too. So when Tony comes home in the evening from work Michelle wants to talk to him. "Tony can I talk to you?" "Sure what is it?" "I know this is not planned but this job that we are doing is dangerous and has long hours." "I know that Michelle." "I came up with the idea of quitting my job completely. So that I would only work when I am really needed." "Michelle I know that you love your job. Are you sure you want to do that?" "It is the only solution that I can think off. The only one that allows me to stay safe and take care of the kids." "Michelle there are other ways too. You know that." "But what other idea do you have?" "Michelle how about we apply for a job at division here in Los Angeles?" "Tony but what about you? You love your work at CTU. We would barely see each other. I need you. We need you. You know that we discussed that when we first married. An we came to the answer that it would me impossible to combine with a family life if we worked in two different offices." "Michelle I know what we said. I just want you to be happy." "Tony I am happy. I am happy with my job at CTU and with our family. But I cannot live with the fact that I might be sent out in the field. That is too dangerous." "I know. But I cannot promise you that you will not be sent out in the field when you continue working for CTU. We will see what we do about that. But now I want you to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. And I want you to enjoy your time with our children." "I cannot do that when I do not know what I will do after Tony. I am afraid of my future. I need to know Tony." "Michelle I know that you are afraid. Especially when I was in jail you had to take it all alone with the kids. I know you are afraid that that might happen again. But I need you to think positive. I need to think that nothing will happen. I am asking you to try to relax and let me handle it for you. I will think of a way." "Ok. Thank you Tony." "You are welcome Michelle." Tony needs Michelle to let him handle the situation and he needs her to relax because it would put stress on the baby if she would not do that. He just wants his wife to be happy and he does not want her to be sad or frustrated.

While he is preparing dinner he hears Michelle playing with Rose and David in the livingroom and from her voice he can hear that she is definitely not totally relaxed. She is unrelaxed and stressed. But he knows that she will shut him off if he pushes her too much. After a few minutes he sets the table in the dinningroom and says. "Michelle dinner is ready." Michelle walks into the dinningroom with Rose and David and sits them down at the table and says to Tony. "I am not really hungry yet. Maybe later Tony." He puts his arms around her and kisses her temple. "Michelle you have to eat for two people." "Tony not now. I need a break." With that she walks out of the dinningroom and up to master bedroom. Tony hears her close the bedroom door and just sighs. He knows that the whole thing is not easy for Michelle. He decides to talk to her when the children are in bed.

He walks into the master bedroom and sees her sitting on the bed reading a book. He sits down on the bed and lays his left hand on her left knee and lays his right hand on her left arm. She looks up at him and looks down immediately. Tony says. "Michelle I know that the whole situation is hard for you. I know that you are afraid of raising three children that are born so close together. But you know that I will help you as much as I can. I also need you to trust me when I tell you that I will help with the job problem." Michelle looks up at him and he sees that she is still worried. "Michelle relax. Everythink is going to be alright." "Thank you Tony. I wish it would all be easier." "Michelle not everything is as easy as we want it to be. But we will get through it together." "I know Tony. Thank you."

The telephone rings and Tony goes to the kitchen to answer it. It is Michelle´s mother Grace who tells Tony that Michelle´s maternal grandfather Matthew has passed away. He was 82 years old. After he has ended the conversation he knows that he has to tell Michelle and that she will be devestated. He walks back to the master bedroom and sits down on the bed and says. "Michelle I need to talk to you." "Sure what it it?" "Your mother just called and told me that…?" "That what Tony?" Michelle asked worried. "She told me that your grandfather Matthew has passed away." Michelle looks at him unbelievingly and says "tell me that that is not true." "I am sorry Michelle it is true." "Tony you are liying. That it not true." Michelle has now tears streaming down her face and Tony pulls her into a hug. He rubs her back to soothe her. "Michelle I am so sorry. But it is true." He craddles Michelle until she falls asleep, totally exhausted from crying, half an hour later. He lays her down and covers her with a blanket. He then calls Elaine. "Hello Elaine it is Tony Almeida!" "Hello Tony. What can I do for you this late?" "Michelle´s maternal grandfather passed away today. Her mother called us about hals an hour ago." "Oh my God. How is she?" "She cried herself to slepp and she did not want to believe it at first. But I think she needs help." "Tony stop worrying to much. She will be fine. I will talk to her during our next lesson." "Thank Elaine. Good Night." "Good Night Tony." After that Tony goes back to the bedroom, gets changed and slips into bed next to Michelle.


	20. Nummer three and memories

June 2001

Michelle has given birth to their third child and second daughter Chloe Marie Rachel Melissa Almeida a few hours ago. Her godparents are Danny Dessler and Jack Bauer. Michelle´s brother and Jack Bauer. Michelle was still exhausted but she was glad that Tony was there the whole time.

Tony came back into her room after informing their friends and family. Michelle was sitting on her bed and had tears shimmering in her eyes. Tony walked up to her and sat down on the bed. "Honey what is it?" "Just thinking what would be if Jack had not have pushed David Palmer to release you after two months." "I know. I am here now." "I know but this whole day with the virus is not going to leave my mind so soon. The memories are just too painful. I am sorry. I did not want to ruin the day."

"Hey! Michelle you do not have to apologize. Why didn´t you tell me earlier?" "I do not know. I tried to push it away. I had nightmares. I just could not push it away." She had tears streming down her face now. Tony pulled her into his chest and said. "Please promise me that you will never keep something like this from me again." "We will get through this Michelle." She nods into his chest.

A minute later his parents enter. They see the couple in a embrace. When Tony and Michelle hear them they pull apart and Tony´s parents see Michelle´s tear stained face. They sat down next to the bed and talked a little bit with the couple.

When Jack, Kate, Kim and Chase came by 10 minutes later they could see the look on Michelle´s face. Tony´s parents moved to the couch to give them space. "Congratulations you two" said Kim. "Thank you Kim." "Michelle are you alright?" asked Jack. "Saunders is haunting me." "I understand. Believe me I know what you are going through. You will get through this with Tony." "Thank you Jack." "Michelle if you need anything you know where we are, right?" "Thank you so much Kate. For everything." "Michelle that is what friends and family are there for." "Right you are the best family I can ask for. How is Angela?" "She is asking for you Michelle." "We will visit you some time. Or maybe you could come by sometime." "We would love that Michelle."

"Jack could I talk to you for a moment." "Sure Tony." Tony and Jack walk to the couch his parents are sitting on. They stop a few feet away. "What is it Tony?" "Michelle." "Yeah. I saw it too. She has suffered a lot during that day in the hotel." "I should have told her about the covert mission." "Tony you were not able. You did what you thought was right. What really worried me are the nightmares." "Why?" "Because it was nine months ago. I never had nightmares that long. Neither did Kim." "Serious Jack." "Take to see Elaine Tony. It could be that the fears she has fought against so hard, which have become better, that they are back. Maybe even worse than before." "This is not good." "Tony she will be alright someday. And if you need us. You know where we are." "Thank you Jack." They walk back to the others again.

When the four friends leave a little later Jack turns around in the door and says to Tony who had brought them to the door. "She will be fine in time." "Thanks."

"Who were they Tony?" asks his mother. "Those people where Jack, his girlfriend Kate, his daughter Kim and her byfriend Chase. Jack, Kim and Chase work with us. Jack made sure that I got out of jail."

Tony, who was still holding Michelle´s hand felt her tense next to him. He turned to her and helped her sit with her legs dangeling from the bed. "It will be alright Michelle. You will see. It will be over soon." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple. "Yeah."

Tony´s parents spoke up suddenly. "Guys are you alright?" "I have been better but I will be alright" says Michelle. In the after noon Chlose comes by too. In the evening his parents leave the little family alone and say good-bye.

Tony could see the disstress and hurt in her faye and in her eyes. The memory of Saunders was just too painful for her. Tony knows that it had not been easy for her while he was in jail. He had had a single cell and rarely any contect with the other inmates thanks to Jack. Michelle was alone and had nightmares and had had to endure it alone the whole time.

Michelle had fallen asleep and is slowly wakeing up now. "Tony?!" "I am right here sweetheart. I am holding your hand. I am right here." Tony could see the stress in Michelle´s face. "Thank God you are here." "Why would I not be here?" "I do not know." He can see that she is avoiding the real content of the conversation and that she is not saying what she really wants to say. "Michelle what is it?" "What do you mean Tony?" "What did you really want to talk about?" "I just had a nightmare. It is alright now." He can see the pain that she still has. "Michelle! Honey talk to me." "Tony I cannot talk to you. Not yet. I need time." He lets it go for now. He knows better then to push her.

"Alright. You know you can talk to me about everything." "I know. I am just not ready yet." "OK." "When are Rose and David comeing?" "They will come by tomorrow." "Good. I want to go home." "I will ask the doctor." He leaves her room and returns a minute later with the doctor. He ckecks her one more time and says. "You can go home if you want Mrs. Almeida. Michelle got dressed and Tony dressed Claire and then he took his two girls home.


	21. Proud of Michelle

August 2001

Chloe was now two months old and Rose slowly comes to terms with having a little sister and a little brother. David is only one year old and two little tow understand it yet. Rose and David are in Daycare and Michelle is staying at home with Chloe until the end of her maternity leave. Tony was happy that Michelle was so relaxed with the whoe situation of having three children from zero to two.

Michelle still went to CTU on a regularly basis to work with Elaine on her fears. During that time she either had Chloe with her or left her with Tony in his office. She was improving and both Tony and Elaine were proud of her. They hoped that she would continue making that progress so that she could be almost fearless or fearless in about a year to one and a half years.


	22. Coma

December 2001

Michelle had really improved by working on her fears very much. She had completed the therapy for the fear of claustophobia in the beginning of December. With Elaine she had done a confrontation therapy concerning her fear against flying and since August she flew three times a week with Elaine. A month ago she had alos completed that therapy. They were getting closer to the light at the other end of the tunnel. Those two fears were fears shich hse had had since her step-father had died in 1989. She was also improving on her fears of thunder, lightening, sirens amd combat. Elaine had told her and Tony that she might be able to complete therapy against them in about a year.

Michelle had alos not returned to CTU yet. She wanted to spend time with their children. Rose and David were only in Daycare during half of the day on two days of the week, and in Daycare during the whole day on the other three days, so that they could spend time with Michelle and their baby sister Chloe. It was a routine which Michelle liked very much and it gave time do to things and it also gave her time with the kids.

When Tony came home in the evening she could sense that something was on his mind. She did not know what but she would find out. He joined her and the children oln the livingroom floor to play. "What is it Tony?" he looked at her and knew that he had to be honest with her but he also knows that that what he has to tell her would hurt her very much. "Honey I promise you that I will tell you everything but we should eat dinner and put the kids to be first." "Tony!" He reached over and took her hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. "It will be alright. I promise." She looked into his eyes and she could see nothing then care, love and truth. She knew that she could trust her husband but he was scaring her at the moment.

After they ate dinner and brought the children to bed they sat down on the couch. "Tony what is it?" "Michelle I know that you have had enough on your plate during the last few years of our marriage and during the time that we have been together. You have fought so hard against your fears and you have already won two battles and I hope that that what I am going to tell is not going to force into another fear." "Tony you are scaring me. What is it?" He looked at her and could see that she was indeed scared and that she was pleading with him to tell her everything. "Alright. I received a phone call earlier today from your mother." "Why? Tony" "Shh I know. Listen to me." "Your grandparents Patrick and Michelle have been in a car accident." "No. How are they?" He took her hands in his trying to get her to look at him. "Honey listen to me." She turned to look at him. "Patrick has unfortunately died on the way to the hospital. I am sorry." "Oh my God!" She looked at him unbelievingly. "You are liying Tony. No." She pounded her fists against his chest and started sobbing." He pulled her into him trying to console her. "It cannot be true. No."

After a while when her sobbing had stopped and she had calmed down he pulled back and helped her sit back up again. "Michelle your grandmother is ina deep coma. She is stabilized for now." "OK." He could see that she was not really listening to him. "Honey how about we go upstairs to look after our little angels and then go to bed together." "Sure." They walked upstairs together and checked on their children. They then went to their bedroom and got changed. When they were in bed Tony pulled her into his arms knowing that she needed it right now. "Honey try to get some rest. I promise you that I will be at your side the whole time." "Alright." When she had drifted of to sleep a few minutes later he hoped that she would recover from the incident of this day.


	23. Worries

April 2002

Michelle had finished her therapy against her fear of flying in January and the therapy against claustophobia in last December. She had also fought against her fear of lightening and sirens and ended it in March. After she had also successfully fought against her fear of darkness in the beginning of 2001 she still had three fears the needed her attention but she is on a good way. She still had to fight against her fear of thunder, combat and male doctors. But she was optimistic that she will succedd in that, too.

Sha and Tony knew that they could do everything if they were together. Tony had always been at her side and she was thankful for that. He had been there when her paternal grandfather Patrick died shortly before Chirstmas last year. He had always been there. He always seemed to know when she needed him.

She was sitting on the couch with Chloe when Tony sat down next to her. "Hey!" "Hey Tony." He wrapped an arm around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder. Tony watched their daugher sleep in Michelle´s arms. "How was your day Tony?" "You know how these days are. There are so many crazy guys in the world. How was your day honey?" "You know. Rose and David were somehow out of it. I do not know why. I am just glad that you do not have to work this weekend. We will enjoy some family time." "Yeah." He noticed that Michelle seemed to very tired and exhausted.

"Let me put those two to bed and then I will come back." "OK." He got up and brought Rose and David to bed. He then returned to the couch and joined Michelle on the couch again. "Come on. I think we should go to bed, too." He helped Michelle up and led her with Chloe in her arms to the nursery were she out Chloe to bed and then led her to their bedroom. Once they were alone he could see that she was dead to he feet.

"Michelle you need to nrest during the day. You are dead to your feet." He sat her down on the bed. She looked at him. "I know." He helped her get changed and changed himself and then sat up against the headboard with her between his legs. "Sweetheart what is on your mind?" She just looked up at him. "What is letting you stay awake when you are dead to your feet Michelle`" "Tony you are on my mind." "If you say so." He did not really believe her and hoped that she would take to him. "I love you Michelle. Please never doubt that." "I will never forget that Tony. I love you, too Tony." He lightly kissed her temple and he kissed her mouth. She leaned into him.

He held her hoping that she would sleep soon because she needs it. He also hoped that she would talk to him because he could see that she had something on her mind. Before he knew it she had fallen asleep in his arms.


	24. Appendix

July 2002

Michelle was still working on her fears. Both she and Tony were optimistic. What both of them did not know was that they would have to live through another tragedy soon.

During the next few days Michelle did not really feel well and she had pain in her right lower abdomen. She did not want to worry Tony so she did not tell him anything. He unfortunately could see her pain in her face so she was not able to hide it from him. Tony decided to talk to her. "Michelle!" She turned around to see him walking to her. He sat down next to her on the couch.

"You are in pain Michelle. Where?" She looked up at him surprised. "No. I am not oin pain." Tony could read the pain in her face. "Sweetheart you are like a open book to me. Where are you in pain?" "In my right lower abdomen." He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze." Michelle I think we should call your doctor. It might me your appendix." She looked at him fearful. "Tony no. That cannot be." He silenced her with a kiss. " Wel will be alright. I promise you that." "OK." He pulled her into a hug and then called her doctor. After he had called Kate to watch the kids he brought Michelle to the hospital.

At the hospital the doctor checked her out and found out that Michelle´s appendix is infected. "Mrs. Dessler we unfortunately have to remove your appendix. I am sorry." Michelle looked at Tony fearful. "Tony" she was begging with him to do something. Tony knelt down infront of her. "Michelle you will be alright. We will get through this operation together. You have to let the doctors perfrom this operation."

Tony had led her to the bed the doctor and the nurse had brougght in. He helped her change into the gown and helped her lie down on the bed. Hen then carefully asked the doctor it thex could sedate her with him present. He took Michelle´s hand in his. "Michelle they will give you the medicine to sleep now. I will be right here." When the doctor put the syringe into her hand she screamed. "Michelle look at me. It is over." He gently stroked her cheek whiping away her tears. The doctor put the mask on her face and a few minutes later she was asleep.

When she woke up again Tony was sitting at her bed.


	25. Is Tony happy?

July 2002

Michelle had been released from the hospital after six days and was back home with Tony and the kids. He knew that she hated hospitals and that she was still a little uneasy around doctors. She seemed relaxed again and was happily playing with their children.

He was a little bit unsure if he should talk to her about it or not. A few months ago he had the feeling that she had something on her mind and he has had the same nagging feeling since. But she has not talked to him about it. When he looked at her and how happy she was at the moment with the children he could hardly bring himself to talk to her about it but he knew that he needed to know and that she needed to talk about it.

After they had put their children to bed in the evening he joined his wife on their living-room couch. She leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her. His chin was resting on top of her head. "Michelle there is something I want to talk about with you." She stiffened a little in his arms and he stroked her back to calm her down. "There has been something on your mind that has been bothering you for a few months sweetheart. I want you to trust me enough to tell me what is bothering you." She leaned even more into him.

"I somehow knew that I could not keep it from you forever." "You should know me that well by now." She nodded against his chest. "There have been a lot of things going on since we began to date. The whole thing with my fears and what came with that. The whole therapy and what came with that. I was so consumed with my fears and the trauma after CTU was blown up. I fought so hard against the fears that I lost perspective of other things. I never asked you if you are alright with everything we are doing. You did everything to help me in any way you could. You never questioned me and never accused me of anything.

I never asked you if you needed something or if you wanted something to be different. Tony, you never complained and that has me worried. I am scared that this whole thing will be too much for you one day and that you will accuse me of something and that you will get bored and leave." He was shell shocked when he heard her words. They have been married for almost five years and he had helped her fight her battles and now she was voicing her fears.

"How long did you have these worries?" "Since Chloe was born." He was surprised. Chloe was thirteen months old and did not notice a thing about Michelle being different.

He pulled back a little and made her look at him. "Michelle I want you to listen to me carefully and never forget these words." She nodded. "Michelle I love you and I love Rose, David and Chloe. Do not ever think anything different. Of course I hoped that our lives would be a little different and that you would not have to fight these hard battles against your fears. But I am your husband and I gave you a promise to stay by your side in good times and in bad times ´til death parts us. I take this promise seriously. Do not doubt that Michelle. I will never get bored and leave you and our beautiful children. I hope that we will be able to have a completely normal life without you having any kind of fear. That is by biggest wish. Even if it never happens I will always love you and stand by you. Do you understand that?" "Yes. I love you to. I just needed to be sure that this is what you really want to." "I want this Michelle." He pulled her into him and kissed her passionately and showed her how much he loved her and that he loved the life they were living. He hoped that he could stop her worries that way.


	26. Tony and Michelle

July 2002

Tony had hoped that he had taken away Michelle´s fear about him getting bored and leaving one day. When he was talking to the widow of a police officer who was killed in the line of duty and hugged her, Michelle saw that. He had not noticed that she had entered the office and was standing there watching him. She had never been bothered by something like that before, never.

Since their conversation he had initiated she has been confused. Her head knew that he would never cheat on her but her heart was somehow not agreeing with her head. She knew it was stupid. But it at least somehow hurt, even if she knew that he was comforting a woman who has just lost her husband. "Tony." When he heard his wife saying his name he turned around almost immediately. He looked at her and he could see that hurt in her eyes.

He walked to her and stopped right in front of her. "Hey." "Michelle I just comforted her. You know that right?" she nodded. She looked down at her folded hands and kneaded them. He could see that she was not convinced and knew that it also had something to do with her state of mind. She had just left the hospital after being there for a few days because of her appendix. He put a hand on her lower arm and put the other arm on her shoulder and pulled her into his chest. "Michelle I just hugged her and I do not have feelings for her." She nodded against his chest. "I know. It is just. This hospital thing just has me running."

He had known that the hospital would do a number on her but he had not assumed that it would be like this. "Michelle. I want you to go have lunch with me and then I want you to take the afternoon and do something that will help you get you mind off of things for a little while. Can you do that for me?" she looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "I think so." She knew it was useless to tell him that she was fine because he would see right through it. He then led both of them to their favorite restaurant for lunch.

When she was leaving to go back home from the CTU parking lot after lunch he could still see the deep insecurity in her eyes. He pulled her into him a final time. "I love you and I will be home as soon as I can. I promise you that." He kissed her deeply trying to show her just how much he loves her. "You will be home soon?" "I will." He pulled her deeply into his chest. "It will be alright." She nodded and pulled back. Michelle then got into her car and drove home.

That night when Tony came home he knew that he should not expect Michelle to be in the best state after he saw how she was after she saw him at the office. When he entered their home he could not hear his children anywhere and was worried. "Michelle?" he walked into the house and found her sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of herbal tea. He had already put his things away and sat down next to her. He put his hand on her lower arm. "Michelle. Where are the kids?" she looked up and acknowledged him the first time. "With Kate and Jack." He just nodded and somehow knew that she was not done talking.

"I asked Kate and Jack to take the kids because I need time alone with you." Tony nodded and knew that Michelle was in need of reassurance. "I need some time alone with my husband because I feel like I am losing everything." "What makes you think that sweetheart?" he asked concerned. "Tony I had three children in a little over two years. Do not doubt it, I love our children, but during that time I somehow lost a part of myself." She moved to hold his hand and held onto it tight. "During the past five years we fought so hard against all my fears. I fought alone while you were in jail after the thing with Saunders. You were shot, I was in the hotel against your orders. I could have also died. I watched Gael die. Then I was kidnapped by Saunders and you risked everything to save me and our baby. At NHS I found out I was pregnant while waiting for my test results." She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Then they would not allow me to see you and then you were arrested and taken away. If it would not have been for Jack who talked to President Palmer who then pardoned you we would not be here at the moment." "Why are you talking about this now Michelle?" He was worried and confused, but he also saw that she needed to get this of her chest. So he continued to listen to her.

"During that time I was alone. Jack and Kate helped but it was hard enough. I was scared that I would be alone with three children. Just the thought, of my giving birth to Chloe, alone, without you at my side scared me. We fought so hard, I fought so hard for everything and against everything. I lost everything from my family. I lost my parents, all three of them, and my grand-parents. There were moments when I thought about leaving everything and getting out of here. There were a lot of days during you jail time that I was desperate for someone. Jack and Kate spend time here and comforted me as good as they could but Jack would never be able to give me the comfort I needed so much. He could have never done that because he loved Kate and somehow still loved Teri."

Tony was starting to getting worried even more. "What are you saying Michelle?" "I do not have the right to be jealous in any way. I never had. Not since you went to jail and came back." He could feel her holding onto his hand even tighter. Tony could literally feel her fear. "Michelle, why do you not have to right to be jealous?" "Because you should be jealous, or at least should have been." He looked at her still not able to understand. Michelle suddenly pulled her hand away and moved to stand at the kitchen window. Tony stayed at the table needing to give her the space.

"After you had been in jail for about three weeks, I had totally realized that I would probably rising three young children on my own, and felt like my life was almost over. So I called Jack and Kate who were willing to watch Rose and David while I was getting myself back together. In my deepest, I knew that I was doing the wrong thing but I needed some comfort. So I contacted an old friend of mine from High School who used to have a crush on me. We met at his apartment. I could feel myself literally breaking and I needed something to stop me from doing that. I just needed someone to take care of, me." She slowly turned around and looked at Tony who looked at her concerned, but she could also see that hurt in his eyes. "I am sorry Tony."

He stood up at walked up to her slowly. When he was standing right in front of her he slowly took her hand in his. "Michelle I put you into an impossible position leaving you alone with two children, and being pregnant. I know that. Michelle I want you to look at, me." She was still looking down at their entwined fingers. "Michelle. Please look at me." She slowly looked up at him and he could see the tears pooling in her eyes. "Michelle, listen to me closely. I remember my words. I love you and I love our children. I know you would never cheat on my Michelle. I know from my deepest that you must have been extremely desperate and scared to do something like that. You must have been scared to death to do that and I do not fault you for that, because you had been through hell."

She looked deeply into his eyes and could read hurt and understanding there. She was confused. It was hard for her to believe that he was not mad at her and that he understood her. "Michelle fortunately you will never be alone again for that, long time, and you will never feel the need to find comfort from someone else because I am not here." "Tony why are you not angry?" he looked at her. "Michelle I put you in that position in the first time and left you alone. I am sorry that I was not there and that you had to do that what you always despised the most." He was right she had despised people who cheated on each other and now she done the thing she hated the most herself.

"Come here." He pulled her into his chest and held her while she let the tears flow which had been pooling in her eyes. "Michelle you have nothing to apologize for." She nodded and he just held her. After she had calmed down he pulled back and looked at her. "I am glad that you told me. I am not mad but I am thankful that you did not keep it from me." She nodded and looked at him.

"Michelle now we are going to use our shower and our bed." She looked up at him surprised unsure what he was talking about. He noticed her unsure look. Michelle I never cheated on you. Never, you know that." She looked directly at him and nodded. Of course she knew that he would never do that. He knew that she knew that, too but he also knew that she was insecure. "You my darling need someone to show you how much you are loved and treasured. We are going to leave the kids with Jack and Kate for a while longer. I am going to show you exactly how much I love you and much you mean to me. We need to ease your insecurities Michelle." "Alright. But I am sorry." "Stop apologizing." She nodded and walked into his waiting embrace.

This loving embrace turned into a gentle, emotional and loving encounter in which showed Michelle just how much he loves her and what value she has to him. He showed her that he treasures her and that she has no reason to doubt that. He was actually surprised to have her crying in his arms every time she came down from her high. Tony was not shocked but he was surprised. He knew that tears were to be expected after she told him what happed almost two years earlier and after her insecurities had arisen. But he had not expected so many tears. While he held her he knew that she had earned that right to these tears. "Michelle, before you say something I want you to know that you do not have to apologize. I knew that these tears were to be expected and that the insecurities had taken the better of you this morning. Even though you never had these insecurities before, they arose." She snuggled deeper into him and just basked in the afterglow in his safe arms.

"It is alright that they came forward and you have the right to know that I love you." She kissed his chest and then looked back up at him. "Thank you." He knew that she was thanking him for being so understanding and for love still loving her. He kissed her head. "Michelle I think we should get our children from Jack and Kate." She just nodded and he could feel her reluctance to leave the cozy bed. "Tony do we…" she then stopped suddenly. Tony sat up and brought Michelle with her.

He wrapped his arm around her. He out his other hand under her chin and made her look at him. "Michelle I will get the kids and you get some rest." "I appreciate it." Tony extracted himself from her and then got up and got dressed under her watchful eyes. He then went back to the bed and gave her a last kiss. "Try to get some rest." With that he left their bedroom and moments later she heard there front door.

When Tony and the children came home half an hour later Michelle was no were to be seen. He tended to the children and brought them to bed, as they had already eaten dinner at Jack´s house. Then he went to their bedroom and found her sleeping. She was getting some well deserved rest and he knew that she needed it.


	27. Formulating a plan

July 2002

The next day Michelle was still not completely better. She was still unsure and insecure. She was still not sure if Tony has forgiven her completely. She hates to admit it but she does not want to lose him because of it. When she enters their kitchen a few minutes later she sees him making breakfast with the kids. Chloe was in her playpen while David and Rose were helping their father as good as they could. She watched the scene from the door.

While she was watching the children Tony noticed her and smiled at her lightly. He could still read the deep insecurity in her face. He walked to her. "Good morning sweetheart." "Morning Tony." He lightly kissed her and she responded to the kiss clutching his shirt. When he pulled back for air he looked into her face. "You have nothing to be worried about." He kissed her temple and returned to setting the table. Michelle followed him and helped the children set the table.

During breakfast he noticed that she was watching him intently the whole time. Every once in a while he smiled at her lovingly and hoped to take away her fears. Rationally he knew from experience that Michelle´s fears usually last a long time. Fortunately for them it was Saturday and they could spend the day as a family.

While Rose and David were playing in the backyard Michelle was sitting on a lounge chair with Chloe in her lap. Chloe was napping against her chest. Michelle was content with her daughter on her lap and she was happy where she was at the moment.

Tony observed her from the door and noticed that she looked content and peaceful. He walked to her and sat down next to her in the chair. "Michelle, how are you feeling?" she looked at him and sighed. "Tony I want to believe you that you are not mad at me and that you have forgiven me but at the office the other day with the widow…" "Stop right there. Michelle look at me." She was still looking at Chloe.

A few moments later she looked up at him and in his eyes she saw love, honesty and care. "I love you and our children. Michelle you are safe. You are emotionally, physically and mentally safe. You have nothing to worry about." She nodded and leaned forward to claim her lips. He knew that she was totally insecure and that it was not her fault.

In the afternoon he came up with an idea how he could prove to Michelle that he still loved her deeply and that she had nothing to worry about. He decided to talk about it with her when the children are in bed.

They met on the couch after putting the kids to bed. She snuggled into him and continued to read her book. She felt safe in Tony´s arms leaning against his chest. She was enjoying it and Tony was content to just hold her make her feel safe. He leaned down and lightly kissed her head. Michelle snuggled even deeper into him. "Michelle!" she turned a little to look at him. She was still leaning against him with her feet next to her with his arms protectively around her.

"Michelle I came up with an idea to take away your insecurities." She looked at him more clearly. "How Tony?" he smiled at her lightly. "I think it would be good for both of us if we would renew are vows to each other and our fifth wedding anniversary." Michelle just looked at him and did not say anything for a while.

"Are you serious Tony?" "Yes. You need to feel safe. So we are going to renew are vows in November." Michelle looked at him stunning and Tony used that moment to silence any further comment by kissing her. A few minutes later Michelle found herself on their bed being loved by Tony and she was unable to complain.


End file.
